LOVE Yourself: Brooke Bains
You know that feeling when you meet someone and you instantly know they are FABULOUS and you need them in your life? Well, that’s exactly how it was the first time I met this beautiful soul. I knew instantly that Brooke was oozing with positive energy and goodness that only comes from someone truly knowing themselves. Brooke has this authentic balance between femininity and masculinity. This SHINES through in her spoken word, body language and is a common thread in her business, Bombshell. She is creating a wonderful service and community with her work in Bombshell. Be sure to check Bombshell out!!!
I’ve only known Brooke since January when introduced by a mutual friend, but it feels like we have been friends for ages. She soon welcomed me into her closet and after reading her client questionnaire I was SO impressed. She answered everything with such a health mindset that I knew I had to share her positivity with the world through our LOVE yourself blog series.
What does LOVE yourself mean to you?
We are all made of light and dark parts. So frequently we want to embrace what’s light and run away from what’s dark. The unfortunate part of this basic human tendency is that we cut ourselves off from what gives us a sense of aliveness. I share this because it’s part of how I truly came to love myself. Loving myself means that I give equal amounts of juicy bear hugs to my lightness and darkness. I hesitate to use good for light and bad for dark even if it’s an easy interpretation because they’re inadequate descriptors and subjective at best. Why? Because at my core, and at everyone’s core, we are perfection in progress.
My life shifted dramatically when I learned to have deep heartfelt compassion for myself. This also meant unearthing true self forgiveness. Forgiveness and compassion are terms we throw around for other people but the secret that I discovered is that it’s impossible to have either for other people if you cannot give them to yourself first. This blew my mind and reshaped my reality. I always thought I was a good giver – a “For giver and Compassion giver” but it was not until I gave these to myself that I was broken open to give these in abundance to others. This goes for strangers as well as for those whom I know well.
What is the key in learning to abundantly give? For me, it was learning to receive. I learned to receive in ways I never permitted myself, which meant listening deeply to the light and dark aspects that only partially embraced. The gift of embracing me in totality was unconditional love. It seems so simple to write this now but the journey was not simple. I am grateful that today I am abundant in love and that allows me to give to myself, to my community, and to this world. It’s really because as much as I am able to give, I receive so much more. It’s humbling and love takes my breath away each day!
Did you have a someone that exuded a positive body image for you growing up? A family member, friend, mentor, etc.
Yes and No. My mom exuded positivity about body because it seemed effortless for her. She had the secret for being a petite ballerina who could also eat whatever she wanted. She makes me laugh today, at almost 72 she still has an appetite for chocolate, fried chicken, and french fries. I don’t know how she does it. Now she just tells me she’s lived this long and doesn’t intend to leave the world eating a carrot.
The No comes into play because I grew up in the dance world. Dance is a microcosm of the whole and body image is an enormous part of being on stage. At the root dancers, like most people, are acutely aware of other’s perceptions.
For me, I got caught up in the comparative body culture of dance and because I am a curvy girl this did not bode well in ballet. So I hung up my ballet slippers for jazz shoes, which was more welcoming. However, I conditioned myself early on to be hyper-aware of my body image and this became a difficult habit to break as I became an adult. More on this as we get into body talk.
I am encouraged that the face of dancing is changing for young women with the proliferation of YouTube and other social channels. I see women of all ages, shapes and sizes posting inspiring dance content. I hope that people continue to push the boundaries of body perception and trade it for talent. We all need less body image issues and much more movement and dance in our life. Just watch little children when music plays, they can’t help but move their bodies and inevitably a huge smile takes over their faces. We adults can learn a lot from this!
Do you tear your body apart vocally?
Today, No way! I love on my body every day and make a point to listen to what she needs and give this to her on demand! But…that was not always my approach. Oh dear, did I used to tear her apart. Knowing what I know today, it makes me sad to remember how hurtful and cruel I was to my body. You know that the intriguing thing is that my body continued to perform and support me in spite of my tear down. I would not tolerate someone else to tear me down that way and yet I accepted if from the person closest to me…me. Now that’s insanity. Something tells me that I am not alone in this shaming practice. I am grateful that I woke up and stopped tearing myself down. I tore my body down through words, my thoughts, and even through compulsive exercise.
Exercise is the devious destructionist because it’s easy to use exercise as a healthy “atta girl.” I used to push my body to its limits through exercise – triathlon and marathon, dance, swimming, you name it. I rarely missed a day. But when I did, I didn’t do my body any favors by resting or indulging in something yummy.
In reflection, I realized during this time in my life I was the ultimate self-punisher. I drove myself to the brink in all aspects of my life and burned people out in a big way. Ironically, I burned myself out too. Thank goodness I did! But you know the secret of burning out that I learned? It’s impossible to completely burn out the light that is in each of us. There’s always a flicker just waiting to be stoked. When I finally understood this, I found my transformation point. So body image tear down was just one aspect of burnout that ultimately turned into redemption and gratitude. I am grateful that I can see the hell that I created for myself because I might have missed the joy of life that is as easily tapped into. Funny that both teardown and joy were always within, I simply needed to wake up and make a choice of how I wanted to thrive. I chose joy and the inclination to tear my body down is not a dominant voice. It’s there but joyfulness is what stoked my light. Going back to the beginning, this is the lightness and darkness stuff I talked about.
Are you working to improve your mindset around body image or is it a neutral mindset for you?
The simple answer is yes, it’s a daily practice of gratitude for all that my body is and does to keep me intact and in shape. The less simple answer is also yes. Let me elaborate. My body is only one part of the quadrant because it’s intertwined with my mind, my heart, and my spirit. So, my daily practice includes listening to the needs of all. When I do this, I find balance in my life. Oh, and balance in my worldview means when what I say, what I think, how I act, and what I feel are in alignment. I can always tell when something is misaligned and know exactly where to go to address it.
Do you have anyone that you are trying to set a healthy example for?
Modeling is a big part of my life and leadership philosophy. I believe that people can be what they can see. Therefore, each day I set an example. I invite others to join me too. I do have a very special little girl I want to set an example for. She is my niece, Emmeline. I want her to be confident in her ability to develop self-trust and tap into her own intuition. I believe intuition is a guiding system that is unique to each of us and is not about other people. It’s how we feel our way through life, not think our way through it. I believe this is so precious and imperative for young kids to be supported to develop and mature. It will help them thrive as adults.
Going back to Emmeline, I already see the making of a superhuman being. I am biased though. My sister is an incredible mother and I love seeing her foster Emmeline’s exploration. I hope to play one role in modeling that anything is possible for her. She is a force of nature and I want to encourage her wild silliness for as long as she’ll let me. I do believe that wild is what makes the feminine, divinely feminine. When I think of wild and supporting this in young people I am reminded of one of my favorite misunderstood myths, Pandora’s Box. When this story is told there is one detail often overlooked and that is: when the wild fury is released what remains to be welcomed into the world is a butterfly of hope. This is how I want to set a healthy example for Emmeline and anyone else who chooses to join me. Living elegant, strong, and wild lets me remember that hope spreads its wings any time I, we, or you want to take flight.
with LOVE and grace,
Elizabeth